


Dear Prongs

by Osric_Ciao



Category: HP, Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 14:04:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4394714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Osric_Ciao/pseuds/Osric_Ciao
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn’t feel right to use those names anymore. Not now, not after so much has changed. It’s odd to think that once, for so long, they seemed more comfortable, more natural to us than our real names, but now they seem so tainted by the recent times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Prongs

~~Dear Prongs,~~

Dear JAMES.

It doesn’t feel right to use those names anymore. Not now, not after so much has changed. It’s odd to think that once, for so long, they seemed more comfortable, more natural to us than our real names, but now they seem so  _tainted_  by the recent times. I still find it difficult to comprehend everything that has happened lately. My family has broken apart and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

I don’t know why I’m even writing this letter to be honest. I don’t know what I’ll do with it after it’s done, I don’t know what I expect to get out of it, all I know is that I need to do something otherwise I’ll go crazy. I don’t have anyone to talk to, so I guess this is the only way I can do this. Nobody understands the bond we shared. Nobody understands how it feels to loose their three brothers in such a short space of time.

And I can’t even explain it. I can’t tell them what you all meant to me (partly because of a lot of the experiences we shared were illegal, anyway…). I can’t put into words the gut wrenching agony that clings to me every second of every day. I’ve never felt pain like this before, James, I swear, not even the transformation hurts this much. I don’t know how to cope, it feels as though I’m suffocating.

I miss you, James. I miss Peter, I miss Sirius. Oh god, do I miss Sirius. I think out of everything that has happened, that’s the worst. You and Peter, you’re not here, but it’s Sirius that really feels _gone_. I can’t believe what he did. It’s not him, James, I swear it’s not. He wouldn’t do that. Well, I keep telling myself that at least. I cannot wrap my head around it, I lie awake at night desperately thinking it all through, hopelessly searching for a tiny clue that it might not have happened, that everyone got it wrong, that he didn’t-

There it is. He betrayed you, he killed Peter, and here I am, worrying about  _him?_  I’m sorry, really I am. He did this, and I shouldn’t be mourning his loss but I can’t help it. You don’t understand how guilty it makes me feel, but I can’t let him go. I have to accept you and Peter aren’t here anymore, but Sirius still is, and I just can’t drop him, try as I might. He’s not the man, the boy, I once knew, of course not. He’s some kind of _monster_  now, and I hate that, but more than that I hate that I still yearn to see him. Just once. Just one more moment of the past to cling on to.

God, I’m being so selfish.  All I’m doing is thinking about myself, but what about little Harry? The boy is a baby, and he’s already been though so much, far more than anyone should ever have to go through in a lifetime. I need to see him, James, partly because it would feel like I’m with you again, but mainly because he needs the care that that muggle family can’t give him.

There’s protective enchantments on the family and the house of course. He’s underage, so obviously he has protection from harm, but it’s not that I’m worried about. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is gone, his followers have disbanded, I’m almost positive he won’t be harmed. What I am worried about is Harry getting the love he needs, the love he deserves.

I wasn’t there when they dropped him off. How I wish I could have been there, but alas, there is nothing to be done now. Hagrid, however, was present. And he has told me what he has heard about the Dursleys, about how they are magic hating, and cruel, and about how their own son is a brute. I worry for Harry having to grow up around such people, I really do.

I want to protect him, care for him, in the way that you and Lily cannot. Unfortunately, I cannot even get close to the boy. But I promise you, I will do my best. The first chance I get, I will find him, I will love him like you should be able to. I don’t know how I’ll be able to do this, but you have my word, I will find a way to protect your son.

I don’t want to stop writing because it feels as if I’m saying goodbye, but it’s too hard to say anything else, to think about anything else. Maybe it’s for the best. I never got to say goodbye to you, so maybe this can be it? Maybe this can be my closure? Now, there’s a joke. As if I’ll ever be used to this.

I love you forever, brother.

Remus.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is, I'm sorry...


End file.
